Paradigm Shift.....on Life

Many a times we feel that of all the people in this world, we are the least fortunate ones. Every now and then, we may also whine and wonder, of all the people in the globe, we have the most loads of burden on our shoulder to carry along in our endeavors. Many a times, we feel that the world seems so cruel and unjust. Even though we really belief in Qadha' and Qadar, we can't escape from blaming ourselves and those around us, for the mishaps and all the unexpected things that happened throughout our lives. And most often, we are being ungrateful with our lives and all the things that we have.

I used to cry over things that I couldn't get or achieve. I used to question myself, why should I sacrifice my own interest, ambition and feeling for the sake of others? I've often wondered, why Allah tested me with all those heavy tests?

However, a visit to a friend's house in Penang during the recent Chinese New Year's long holidays have changed my perspective on life and everything that happened to me. Upon returning from her house, I've started to rethink about how I looked and felt about life. I also thank Allah Ta'ala for answering my prayers, guiding me to the right way through contemplating on my friend's journey of life.

This friend of mine, sis H had just delivered her fifth child. She gave birth to a healthy, chubby 4.5 kg baby girl. It was a normal delivery, with no vacuum, forceps or any drugs. The moment I looked at this baby's innocent face, I felt so sad, because this little angel will never see her father's face, and will never fell a father's love in the coming years. The fact is, her father has just passed away two months ago from colon cancer at the age of 34.

Sis H's late husband was a friend of mine too. He used to be my husband's college for almost 4 years when they both taught in a college in Selangor before. Honestly, his death was a tremendous shock to me and my husband. I couldn't sleep from the moment I read sis H's message of her husband's death in my handphone at 1 a.m. that day. My body was shaking and shivering, I felt like vomiting, since I couldn't believe that he has gone. Since the journey from my place to hers takes about 10 hours driving, my husband and I didn't manage to attend his funeral early in the morning the next day. That's why, by hook or by crook, we know that we must visit this family when we went to Penang some day later.

The day her husband passed away, sis H was carrying her approximately 8 months baby in the womb. I couldn't imagine her situation at that moment, especially the days after the funeral. With four kids age 4-10, life would be so drastically changed and difficult for her. Furthermore, she has her own career too, with no maid or relatives nearby her place.

For me, Sis H is a very strong person. This is not her first time loosing the people she loves most in times she really need them . When we were studying together in the university at overseas, she lost her dear mother during the final exams. When the news was broken to hear, she was so calm. Since the final exams couldn't be postponed, she didn't go back to attend her mother's funeral, even though she hadn't seen her for two years. However, despite the grief and sadness, she could still give her focus on her studies and did passed the exams with flying colours.

Sis H married her husband (our classmate in the university too) right after they graduated from the university. Both subsequently continued to take Masters in a local university. They had two daughters while studying Masters and after that, her husband found a job while she continued her PhD studies. They were blessed with two more children during her PhD. Her father passed away while she was doing her postgraduate studies. So, considering that she has no parents anymore and all her siblings have had their own families, she followed her husband to Penang, because her husband's parents live in Kedah. They settled down in Penang, got a good job there and even bought a house.

Sis H obtained her PhD at the age of 31. Compared to the other classmates, she is the earliest to hold a "Dr" title. All this while, I thought how wonderful her life was and how fortunate she is. She has a career, PhD, a house, a loving husband and four children. What else on earth does a woman want in her life besides that? Sis H told me how she spent a whole night in her house with no other adult, bearing the contractions. She waited untill after fajr to asked her neighbour's help to send her to hospital. When asked about her life with no parents, husband and relatives around, she answered in a bitter smile,"That's what people ask me every now and then". Without answering, I knew she was having a tough life. Her eyes could tell , even though her mouth denied it.

But after her husband's death, I learned some meaningful lessons. I started to realize that life is not a bed of roses. In fact, Allah Taala has reminded us in al-Qur'an that our existence in this world isn't meaningless. We will always be tested, to evaluate our patience and iman. However, most importantly, I learned that Allah's tests on us are always something that we can bear and go through. Allah's tests are not beyond our own capability to handle them.

I know, sis H is being tested by Allah since Allah knows she has the strength to pull herself together, like she did during her mother's death several years ago. She can lead a life alone, since she is a very independent person. She have survived during her bad times without a mother's love and care.

I also learned that despite being tested by Allah, without realizing it, Allah always give us guidance, help and His blessings to us to go through the tests. In sis H's case, she obtained her PhD earlier than other friends, she have a secured job and career and even have her own house before her age reaches 30. Actually all these are Allah's help and blessings on her, as preparations for her to raise her five children without a husband at the age of 32. MasyaAllah...does this proves Allah's love towards His creatures?

Sis H's life has inspired me a lot. Her life made me look at all the tests, blessings and failures in my life from different perspective. Now only I know, neither I am the least fortunate person in this whole world, nor the only person being tested by Allah with the biggest and toughest test compared to other people.

It's been a while since I last contact sis H. I should do it now. I want to know whether or not the 4.5 kg baby has grown to 6 kg in a month!