Hikmah....Revealed

When I had to choose between pursuing my own ambition studying in UK and giving priority to my family six months ago, I was so clueless about the 'hikmah' of this dilemma. Thus, like a small child who whined for a cone of her favourite ice-cream for days but the ice-cream was snatched from her and was thrown into the dustbin the moment she really wanted to start licking the ice-cream, I was so frustrated and down. I spent days and nights crying over the "ice-cream", attempting to console my frustration and searching the justification of it.

And now, I'm still crying, yet for another totally different reason: it's no more crying over the "ice-cream", but I'm crying for finally realizing the 'hikmah' Allah Taala has revealed to me. I'm crying because I was so ashamed towards God for my ignorance of His Wisdom and my distrust towards Him being the All-Knowing.

Now, after 6 months, the 'hikmah' of me staying here in Malaysia to further my studies has been revealed gradually. Seeing my husband climbing the stairs of success in his career path is a clear evident to me that my sacrifice 6 months ago was not useless. Watching the kids growing and studying in an Islamic school with a good tarbiyyah from the teachers, starting a strong fond towards nasyid and al-Qur'an, and forgetting all the linking park's and avril lavinge's songs, is enough to make me so content. Having the opportunity to visit and serve my parents, share their fears and happiness as well as lending my ears for their problems and nags, and spending an enjoyable holiday with them, are some of the good deeds that I would surely miss if I went to UK.

And right now, as one my siblings is struggling to overcome the worst times in her life, the 'hikmah' has became clearer than ever. As the eldest child in a family who always support each other through thick and thin, this is the time that I'm most needed by my parents and sister. Had I gone to UK, I wouldn't carry out the responsibility of "kakak sulong", who had been the one whom the other siblings turned to in needs.

I thank Allah for revealing this hikmah for me. I thank Allah for still giving me opportunity to make all my beloved persons happy and carry out my responsibility towards my family members. I don't mind if I can't improve my English by studying in England. I don't mind if I can't learn new things in a new environment. As long as I can 'berbakti' towards my family, it's enough to me. Most importantly, I don't want to waste three years of my life without spending happy moments with my parents and siblings.