How To Raise Highly Effective And Successful Children

by Alvin Poh

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How To Raise Highly Effective And Successful
Children
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Many parents would like to believe that there is some
type of magic in raising successful children. Are there
really magic? Personally I don't think so. What I think
there is, are fundamentally sound parenting and life
principles that have proven to work and that we can
learn. If we simply learn and live by these principles, we
can't help but to have highly successful children.

On the contrary, if we don't learn and practice these
parenting principles in our life, it will be difficult or almost
impossible for us to nurture children to have great
characters, mind and ability as well as individuals who
live to their potential.

Allow me to ask you this question - What do successful
people like Tiger Woods (a professional golfer), Stephen
M. R. Covey (a famous author and business leader), Bill
Gates (founder of Microsoft) and Lee Hsien Loong (Prime
Minister of Singapore) have in common?

Here's my personal answer - regardless of their chosen
profession, what Tiger Woods, Stephen M. R. Covey, Bill
Gates and Lee Hsien Loong have in common is not their
race, money or level of education; what they have in
common is good old fashioned, down-to-earth, excellent
parenting. There all have excellent parents.

Quality parenting has nothing to do with whether or not
a child is raised in a two-parent or single-parent home;
what matters the most is the parent’s ability to instill in
their child an impervious sense of self-worth, self-
respect, self-love, great thinking and problem solving
ability and a compassionate heart for others.

Below are a the 7 principles that I truly believe will help
parents raise highly effective and successful children.

In fact, these are the principles that I personally aim to
live by in order to help my family raises great children of
our own. I hope you find them helpful.

1. Model Appropriate Behavior

Model the behavior that you expect from your child.
Many parents believe that it is okay to tell their children,
“do as I say and not as I do.”

However, studies shows that if the parent smokes,
there is a high chance that the child will also smoke.
Don't tell your children to read, when they have never
seen you pick up a book. Don't ask your children to clean
their bedroom when your bedroom is a mess. If we want
to raise children who are honest and have a strong
sense of integrity, we as parents must honor and fulfill
whatever promises that we made to others, regardless
of how minor the promises are.

2. Teach Your Children Self-Discipline

Teaching a child to control their own behavior in spite of
their moods or feelings is the greatest gift that a parent
can give their child.

Self-discipline will give the child the confidence to excel in
every area of their life. Self-discipline is the skill that will
help them understand that they have to finish their
home work first before they go out and play or that they
need to go to bed early so that they can get enough
sleep and perform well on a test the next day.

The secret to teaching self-discipline is to coordinate
must-do-tasks with enjoyable activities. All children
should have a structured schedule at home where time
is set for doing homework, sports, recreation and rest.
Their study schedule should not conflict with their
favorite television show, sports or other activities. Your
child can reward themselves by watching their favorite
TV show or cycling at the park after they have finished
their work.

3. Give Your Children Self-esteem

Children see themselves through their parent’s eyes.
When you smile at them, they feel accepted and loved.
Children are constantly looking into your eyes for
approval and validation of their self-worth.

If the parent refers to their children as dumb, stupid, or
clumsy, they will perceive themselves in that way too.

Do not call your child belittling names because this will
become a part of their psychological self belief. Tell your
children how wonderful and intelligent they are . Tell
them that it is perfectly okay to make mistakes and
guide them to learn from the mistakes and encourage
them to try again.

Let your child help you make rules and determine
consequences for breaking them. Give them chores -
children, like adults, feel good about themselves when
they feel that they are contributing to their own well-
being and to the best of their abilities.

4. Equip Your Children With Mental Toughness

We all heard the old phrase, "Sticks and stones may
break my bones but words will never hurt me." However
this is absolutely untrue - Nothing hurts the human soul
more than words.

You teach your children to be mentally tough by telling
them that the most important person’s opinion of them
that matters is their own and secondly, would be the
opinion of someone who loves them deeply.

Tell your child that people with fake confidence only
believe in themselves when they are winning or things
are going their way. People with real confidence believe
in themselves regardless of the outcome because they
only focus on the things that they can control.

Teach them that they can not control the grade that the
teacher will give them after a test; they can only control
how long they study and how well they prepare before
the test. Teaching a child to be mentally tough is
teaching them to focus on the things that they can
control and to ask themselves honestly, “Did I do my
best?” If they can answer yes. There next question
should be, “What can I do differently next time?”

5. Help Your Children Discover Their Sense of Purpose

In almost every of my parenting talk, I always encourage
parents to discover what their children are naturally
good at and give them as many opportunities as
possible to express their natural gifts and talents.

I highly recommend all parents read and study Howard
Gardener’s 9 Types of intelligence and analyze which
type of intelligence best fit their children. Learn about
the different learning styles and determine the way your
child best process data in terms of whether the
information is auditory, visual or kinesthetic.

Some children do not fit into society’s standard mode of
intelligence and hence they are labeled as academic
poor achievers. However these same children may be
gifted at building things, drawing, painting, singing,
dancing and creating music.

It is important for parents to tell their children that they
were born with the perfect physical and intellectual gifts
and talents to make their dreams come true. Let your
children know that there is a special place in the world
just for them. Teach them to appreciate who they are
when no one is looking.

6. Teach Your Children Critical Thinking

Teach your children to ask questions, gather facts and
make decisions on their own regardless of the source of
information.

For example, after you have watched a movie or a TV
program with your children, ask them if they think the
show should have ended differently and why.

Read stories to your children and ask them whether or
not they think the story is reasonable. Ask your child
their opinion about various topics and ask them to
support their answers with evidence. Giving your child
the ability to think critically and analyze situations from
various perspectives and viewpoints is the greatest gift
that you could ever give them to live harmoniously in a
multi-cultural society.

When child are able to critically think for themselves and
make rational sound decisions; they will be less likely to
engage in morally wrong and irresponsible activities
such as premarital sex, abusive use of drugs or joining
of gangs. They will be able to determine if their actions
are taking them closer to their life goals or further from
their life goals. Most importantly, they will not make their
decisions based on whether or not they will be caught or
punished by authorities; they will make their decision
based on their conscience of what is right and wrong.

Teach them that greatness is not always about having
the right answers or pleasing others. Greatness is
about asking the important questions and doing what is
right. In our home, we teach our children the true
meaning of integrity as "doing the right thing, even if
nobody is watching."

7. Help Your Children To Develop A Compassionate
Heart

Compassion is the universal language of feelings,
emotions and morality.

Teach your children that if they want to know how
someone would feel or whether or not an act is right or
wrong, tell them to ask themselves, “Do I want this to
happen to me or someone I love dearly?” Their answer
will connect them to the sincerest form of compassion
that is connected to all of humanity.


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**A very good article. Really like it.