We've moved !!

Thank Goodness, I managed to go through the past two weeks in safe and sound. After we moved to our new house, I have a tremendous change in my life. In fact, I may say that my kids and I are having a major transition in our lifestyles and routines. Anyway, alhamdulillah we received many supports and aids from our family members. But still, the past two weeks have been very hectic.

Afafita looks happy and excited living in the new house, but not Cici. Cici sometimes looked restless and bored. I know he misses his old life and routine. But most of all, he misses his friends and favourite Singapore's TV programme. In this context, Cici actually resembles me a lot. Both of us are quite emotional and both of us emphasize much on sentimental value of everything in our lives. So, I can understand his feeling, missing his old 'territory'. We also find ourselves so hard to accept changes and transition in our lives easily and open-heartedly.

I've read some articles in a parenting magazine about the effects of moving to a new house on children. Certain child finds it exciting and looking forward it whereas others may find in as a nightmare and unpleasant phase of their lives.

I hope Cici and Afafita can easily adapt themselves with this new phase of life. But above all, I really hope and pray that I can manage my new routine as a housewife and a student. May Allah give me health, strength and wisdom to carry out these new responsibilities.

Update

It has been ages since my last posting. In fact, I rarely update this blog lately. It's not that I'm not interested in doing so, but I'm really busy and so many events happened for the past few weeks.

First, from 26th November to 4th December, I've attended a course. It's called PTK course, a course to evaluate my competency in my profession. It was so tiring yet I really enjoyed the course. I had the opportunity to meet new friends, expand my network, learned new things from new people. So interesting and worthy! I met some old, long-lost friends again and knew new friends from various background.

Then, following the PTK course, I spent the whole week doing my assignments (the PTK written assignments which were to be submitted by 10th December). I had to sent wafitos and afafita to 'kampung' (my in-laws house) several days for a holiday, so that I could focus on my assignments. In the very week I was also busy with my registration at the University. For your information, I'm now a PhD student in one of Malaysia's leading and renowned University in my subject area. So, I'm now on a three-year study leave.

Subsequently, last week, I spent much money and time searching for a new house in Selangor and a new school for my wafitos, who's going to enter primary school next month. It was really a hectic week, but the most exciting news is, I think I've lost some weight. Hmmm...., at least that's what my mom said. (though other people didn't much agree with her). And now, I'm busy packaging my things to move to Selangor to study again for three years. Though I'm quite sad and reluctant to leave my hometown, but I have to admit that this is the most awaited moment of my life, since my kids, my husband and I can live together again under the same roof! The fact is, we have been living apart for the past three and a half years because my husband is working in Selangor. And all this time, I am a MBA holder (Married But Alone) and we are practicing "Weekend Family Life". So, furthering my studies also means I can get the opportunity to concentrate on my family again. So it's like two-in-one strategy.

There's so much to be packed. Clothes, books, toys, etc. How I wish I could get extra energy to endure these challenges!

The Upbringing of Muslim Children

BEFORE BIRTH

Choosing the right spouse
Religion is the most important criterion in choosing the right spouse. Abu Hurairah, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So marry the religious woman if you do not want to be a loser.” [Bukhari and Muslim.] Choosing a spouse who is observing the correct Islamic behaviour in life will establish the Muslim home on sound Islamic principles from the first day and will prevent children from learning bad habits from their parents.

Mental and physical sanity is another criterion. The spouse should not have a grave physical sickness with a high risk of being inherited by the children, or be mentally sick and unable to raise children.

The family status of the spouse is also a criterion in choosing the best spouse. Spouses coming from families that are strongly committed to Islam have a better chance of succeeding in raising good Muslim children.

Observing the rights of the unborn child
A child who is still in the womb has legitimate rights, among which are that:
*The father must support the pregnant mother until she delivers even if the two spouses are separated. Allah said: “And if they are pregnant, then spend on them until they deliver.” (Qur’an 65:6)
*The pregnant mother may break her Ramadan fast if she is afraid for her well-being or the well-being of her child.
*A child in the womb has the right to inheritance. All scholars agree that the inheritance should not be divided until the child is born and that he should get his share.

AT BIRTH
Making Athan and Iqamah in the ear of the newborn baby. Abu Rafi, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that he saw the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, making athan in Hasan’s ear when Fatima gave birth to him. (Related by Abu Dawud and At-Tirmithi who said it is an authentic hadith). This is to make the words that glorify Allah the first ones to reach a child’s ear and affect his heart.
The second wisdom is to prevent the Shaitan from getting close to the unborn child. Abu Hurairrah, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “When the athan is pronounced, Shaitan runs back and breaks wind during his flight in order not to hear the call being made. When the athan is completed, he comes back. When Iqama is pronounced, he turns his back and after its completion, he returns again and whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and this causes him to forget how much he has prayed.” [Bukhari and Muslim.]
Tahneek is to chew a piece of date and then to rub it inside the newborn’s mouth. Aisha, radiallahu ‘anha, said: “Babies were brought to Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. He blessed them, and after having chewed some dates, he rubbed therewith their soft palates.” [Muslim]

Shaving the head of the baby is a Sunnah. Samurah Ibn Jundub related the Messenger of Allah as saying “A newborn is in pledge for his aqiqah. Sacrifice is made for him on the seventh day, his head is shaved and he is given a name.” (Abu Dawud, At-Tirmithi, An-Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, Ad-Darami and Ahmad).

Choosing a good name for the child is one of the baby’s rights upon his parents. Ibn Umar, radiallahu ‘anhu, said: Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “The most beloved names for Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman” [Muslim]. Bad names should be changed to good names. Ibn-Umar reported that Umar had a daughter who was called ‘Asiya (Disobedient). Allah’s Messenger gave her the name of Jamila (good and handsome). [Related by Muslim.] Parents should be careful not to give their children names that will make them a mockery with their friends and will prevent them from playing in a group.

Making aqeeqah to the baby: Salman ibn Amir narrated that he heard Allah’s Messenger saying: “Aqiqah is to be offered for the newborn child, so slaughter for him and relieve him of his suffering.” [Bukhari.] The Sunnah is to slaughter one sheep for the baby girl and two sheep for the baby boy.
Imam Ahmad was asked about a father who did not have money to offer the aqiqah for his newborn child: Should he borrow money? He answered: Yes because it is a revival of a Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. He was also asked whether it is better, instead of slaughtering a sheep, to offer its price to the poor. He answered: No.
Among the benefits of the aqiqah is that it lets the child intercede for his parents on the Day of Judgment, it strengthens the social bonds between Muslims, it is a help for the poor and a revival of the Sunnah of the Prophet.

Making circumcision is one of the acts of fitrah. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “The actions of the fitrah are five: circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, trimming the moustache, clipping the nails and plucking the armpit hairs.” [Bukhari.]

Confirming the descent of the child: Abu Hurairah, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported he heard the Messenger of Allah saying: “Any women who brings to her family one who does not belong to it has nothing to do with Allah (ie expects no mercy from Allah), and Allah the exalted will veil Himself from any man who disowns his child when he looks at him, Allah will disgrace him in the presence of all creatures first and last.” [Abu Dawud, Annasai, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban and Al-Hakim.]
Allah has ordered us to confirm the line of descent of the child. Allah said: “And call them by the name of their fathers, that is more just in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father’s names, they are your brothers in faith and your friends.” (Qur’an 33:5)

AFTER BIRTH

PHYSICAL CARE
Breastfeeding
It is best that the mother nurses her child as her milk is the most beneficent nutrient for him and she is more merciful to him than any other woman. Allah said: “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, that is for those who desire to complete the term of suckling.” (Qur’an 2:233)
Modern research proved that the mother’s milk strengthens the child’s immune system at a time when the child is most vulnerable.
Ibn ‘Umar, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that a group of merchants arrived to Madinah and settled in the mosque. So Umar told Abdurrahman ibn Awf, radiallahu ‘anhu, “Let’s guard them tonight from thieves.” So they spent the night watching and praying as much as Allah had destined to them. Umar heard the weeping of a child so he went towards him and told his mother: “Fear Allah and be good to your child” and he went back to his place. He heard the child crying again and told his mother the same thing and went back to his place. By the end of the night he heard him crying again so he told his mother: “You are a bad mother, your child did not sleep all night.” So she said: “I am trying to wean him but he refuses.” He said: “Why are you doing that?” She said: “Because Umar does not prescribe child support except for children who are already weaned.” He said: “How old is he?” She said: “Such and such.” He said: “No! Do not hurry him.”
Umar prayed Fajr and was weeping during the prayer to the extent that his recitation was barely understandable. After he made tasleem he said: “Misery is for Umar. He has killed Muslim children.” He then asked someone to make the call that people should not rush their children to weaning, child support is prescribed to every child. And he sent letters to that effect to all the Muslim land.” (The History of Umar ibn al-Khattab by ibn Aljawzy, pages 74-75.)

Spending for all the needs of the child
Thawban reported Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, as saying: “The most excellent Dinar is one that a person spends on his family, and the Dinar which he spends on his animal in Allah’s path, and the Dinar which he spends on his companions in Allah’s path.” [Muslim.]

EMOTIONAL CARE
One should be kind and merciful to his children
Abu Hurairah reported that Al-Aqra’ bin Habis saw Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, kissing Hasan. He said: “I have 10 children but I have never kissed anyone of them,” whereupon Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “He who does not show mercy, no mercy will be shown to him.” [Muslim, Kitab al-Fadail.]
Abdullah ibn abi Qatadah narrated: “My father said: The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “When I stand for prayers, I intend to prolong it but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short as I dislike to trouble the child’s mother.” [Bukhari]
Aisha, radiallahu ‘anha, narrated: “A lady along with her two daughters came to me asking for some alms, but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave her. She divided it between her to daughters, and did not eat anything herself, and then got up and went away. Then the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came in and I informed him about this story. He said: “Whoever is put to trial by these daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hellfire.” [Related by Bukhari in the Book of Zakat.]

Playing with them and making them happy
For a child, playing is an important part of his daily schedule. It is by playing that he learns and develops affectively, intellectually and physically. Anas, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, was playing with Zaynab bint Umm Salamah and telling her: “O Zuwaynib O Zuwaynib ... several times” [Related in Sahih al-Jami’.]

Being just with them
One has to be fair in his interest in them, enthusiasm for them, cheerfulness to them, no difference being made between a boy and a girl. ‘Amir narrated: I heard An-Numan ibn Bashir, radiallahu ‘anhu, on the pulpit saying: “My father gave me a gift but ‘Amra bint Rawaha (my mother) said she would not agree to it unless he made Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam as a witness to it. So my father went to Allah’s Messenger ssallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam and said: “I have given a gift to my son from Amra bint Rawaha, but she ordered me to make you as a witness to it, O Allah’s Messenger!’ Allah’s Messenger asked: ‘Have you given the like of it to every one of your sons?’ He replied in the negative. Allah’s Messenger said: ‘Fear Allah and be just to your children.’ My father then returned and took back his gift.” [Related by al-Bukhari in the Book of gifts.[
Parents are ordered to be just to their children so that the child feels secure at home. A child may not learn the meaning of justice if he is continuously oppressed at home.

Teaching them Islam
Jundub ibn Abdullah said: “We were with the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, we were boys and we learned Iman before learning Qur’an. We then learned Qur’an and it increased our Iman.” [Hadith with sahih isnad narrated by Ibn Majah.] This Hadith shows that the parents should first teach their children the pillars of faith, what it means to believe in Allah and in His oneness. When the child becomes able to understand, he should be taught how to make wudhu’ and Salat.
Sabura, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “Teach the child Salat when he reaches seven and spank him for it when he reaches 10.” [Related by Tirmithi who said it is a Hasan Sahih Hadith.] Hence, the parents have three years to get their child in the habit of offering regular prayers. By the age of 10, the parents should be more strict in their orders concerning the prayer. When the child reaches puberty, Salat becomes obligatory on him. The above hadith has singled out Salat because of its high position in Islam but the principle applies to all other acts of worship.

Teaching them good manners
Such as not to lie, steal or cheat. It is imperative in this respect that the parents themselves observe these manners. Children should also be taught to ask for permission to enter their parents’ bedroom during three periods of the day. Allah said: “O you who believe, let your legal slaves and those among you who have not reached the age of puberty ask your permission before they come to your presence on three occasions: before fajr prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday rest, and after the ‘isha prayer. These three times are of privacy for you. Outside those times, it is not wrong for you or for them to move about attending to each other. Thus Allah makes clear the verses of this Qur’an to you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. But when the children among you come to puberty, then let them also ask for permission, as those senior to them. Thus Allah makes clear His commandments for you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” (Qur’an 24:58-59)

Choosing the right friends for them.
Abu Musa narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “The example of a good companion and a bad one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him; but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.” [Bukhari and Muslim.]
Because children learn mostly from other children, it is important that we choose good friends for our children. Good friends reinforce the good manners and habits while bad friends reinforce the bad manners and habits.

Conclusion
Our children are a trust given to us by Allah. They are born with a natural predisposition to accept the teachings of Islam. Depending on the upbringing we give them, we may make them good Muslims or we may make them non-Muslims. That is how great our responsibiltiy is. This responsibility has to be borne by both the father and the mother. On the other hand, the reward they would get for upbringing a good Muslim is also great. When a child asks forgiveness for his parents from Allah, their position in paradise is raised. We pray to Allah to be from those who are saved on the Day of Judgment and not from the losers. Allah said: “Say: ‘The losers are those who will lose themsleves and their families on the Day of Resurrection. Verily, that will be a manifest loss!’” (Qur’an 39:15)

(taken from muslimchild.blogspot.com)

My prince charming....he is so obsessed with Einstein, (not the renowned scholar)the tv character of art & craft programme.

My little princess..on her first day to kindergarten a year ago...

Ah....What a Relief...

At last...the PTK course is over! What a relief....now I just need to focus on the assignments and try to submit them by this Monday. The presentation is over, the most-scared of public speaking is also over. Though quite tiring (cos I have to wake up early and be at the office around 8.30 am everyday), I learned a lot from my friends as well as the speakers (professors).

Simple Strategies to Feel Better

I found this interesting article on how to make ourselves feel better. Oh, God...I really need it at this particular moment. Especially after this hectic course (kind of in-house training) which I went since ten days ago.

When you feel low, try any of the following strategies and feel better immediately:

1. Ask yourself 'What if this situation changes magically as I desire?' and write in detail how you will feel if it happens, how your environment will be, how your posture will be etc - use
your imagination and write down even the tiniest detail that comes to your mind.

2. Collect pictures of places/objects/activities that make you feel happy. Make an album with these pictures and view it when you feel low. Nature, flowers, babies are my favourite. I have
collected loads of beautiful pictures from the web and view them as a slide show in my computer. You can have different folders for different emotions.

3. Write down 10 best moments in your life in detail. If possible, attach pictures of the event and read this when you are upset. This will lift your spirit up

4. List 10 favourite activities that you enjoy. When you feel bad, perform any of these activities. Your negative emotion will be transformed into positive emotion

5. Make a playlist with 10 songs that make you happy/calm and listen to it when you are down

6. List down 10 features/assets/resources/people that you value most in your life. Write them down. This list will help you find the strength you need when you feel low.

7. Tell yourself that it is ok to feel these emotions. Visualise the emotion as an object and describe it. This technique helps you detach yourself from the emotion. When you no longer
identify yourself with the emotion, you can handle it effectively

8. Feel the whole intensity of the emotion. You'll see that the intensity reduces drastically in a few seconds.

9. Imagine you as your best friend. Do what you'll do if your friend is feeling like you do now. Will you give a hug? Will you say some kind things about him/her? Will you simply assure
him/her that things will be better? Do the same for you.

10. Write down the thoughts behind your emotions. Come up with some counter arguments based on facts.

For example, if your thought is 'I am so unlucky', your counter argument will
have facts that says otherwise. Try this and you will find enormous relief.

(taken from http://healthlife1.blogspot.com/)

Oh Mother..

Actually, this is a song by Christina Aguilera. She's by the one of my fave singer. By the way, this lyric has a great impact on me. I'm truly touched by the story of the song.
She was so young with such innocent eyes
She always dreamt of a fairytale life
And all the things that your money can't buy
She thought that he was a wonderful guy
Then suddenly, things seemed to change
It was the moment she took on his name
He took his anger out on her face
She kept all of her pain locked away

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again

So mother, I thank you
For all that you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

It was the day that he turned on his kids
That she knew she just had to leave him
So many voices inside of her head
Saying over and over and over,
"You deserve much more than this."

She was so sick of believing the lies and trying to hide
Covering the cuts and bruises (cuts and bruises)
So tired of defending her life, she could have died
Fighting for the lives of her children

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have she'd (all of the tears you have shed)
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again (he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (thank you)
For all that you've done and still do (still do)
You got me, I got you, (yeah you got me and I got you)
Together we always pull through.
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

All of your life you have spent
Burying hurt and regret
But mama, he'll never touch us again

For everytime he tried to break you down
Just remember who's still around
It's over, and we're stronger
And we'll never have to go back again

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back (oh mother don't look back again)
Cause he'll never hurt us again (cause he'll never hurt us again)

So mother, I thank you (and I thank you for everything you've done)
For all that you've done and still do (together we always move on)
You got me, I got you, (you got me, I got you)
Together we always pull through (always pull through)
We always pull through
We always pull through

I love you mom

An Advice to All Muslims

It's really a good work and reminder for all of us...