How to raise a child who listens well

by Holly Hanke

Being a good listener is critical to your child's success at school. If he can't follow directions, whether on the playground ("Pick a partner and pass the ball back and forth across the field") or in the classroom ("Take out a number 2 pencil and open your test booklets to page 1") — he'll have a tough time learning. Children who are good listeners also have an advantage socially — they tend to be very good friends to others.

Here are several ways you can help your child become a better listener:

Be a good listener yourself

Don't interrupt your child when he's telling you a story. Turn your attention to him when he's trying to tell you something. Give him your undivided attention when he's talking — don't read the paper or talk to someone else at the same time. If you want him to listen to you, he needs to see that you will listen to him too. Children return the respect they receive, and children who are listened to tend to become good listeners themselves.

Give clear, simple directions for everyday tasks

Get in the habit of giving your child simple instructions. Make eye contact with him, and say, "Go into your room and make your bed. Then get your backpack and your homework and meet me downstairs." As he becomes a better listener, you can add another task or two. In this way, you're not only teaching your child to listen well, but to be independent too.

Praise good listening

Saying "Thanks for being such a good listener" will reinforce your child's desire to listen. Make a special point of praising him when he follows directions the first time.

Say what you mean

If you tell your child, "You can have two more cookies," then give him two cookies — not three or four. Once your child figures out that you don't stick to your word, he'll tune you out.

Be consistent about consequences

If you tell your child that you'll have to leave the toy store if he doesn't stop whining, then follow through without giving him another chance. Your child will be more inclined to do what is asked of him if he understands that his actions have clear, enforceable consequences.

Read aloud together every day

The time you spend reading together is invaluable listening and learning. Before you begin, ask your child to recap what you read the night before, and when you finish, ask him to predict what might happen next based on what he's heard so far.