The Day...The unforgettable

Baru sekarang Mama Mia berpeluang nak menulis dlm blog. Fichita yg kuat menyusu...paling lama Mama Mia "lega" semasa Fichita tidur ialah sejam setengah saja. Tapi di akhir zaman nie..apa sangatlah yg boleh dibuat dlm masa sejam setengah. Ditambah dgn term paper yg perlu disiapkan dan dihantar akhir December nie....Mama Mia sentiasa mengejar waktu. Baru 3 minggu dilahirkan di muka bumi ini, Fichita terpaksa menemani Mama Mia di depan laptop sambil membasahkan tekaknya dan mengisi perut yg kelaparan. Nak buat mcm mana..terpaksalah my dear...sebab berazam nak breastfeed Fichita selama dan sebanyak mungkin...Mama Mia dan Fichita terpaksalah berkorban!


Kalau tak silap...latest post dlm blog ni ialah pada 8 november, 2 hari before Fichita lahir. So for the sake of kenang-kenangan untuk anak2 especially Fichita sendiri bila dewasa kelak...Mama Mia nak outline kan chronology kelahiran Fichita serba sedikit.

8 Nov 08 - Mama Mia semakin risau sebab dah 3 hari overdue. Fikiran tak tentu hala...so Papa brought us to his parents house and we also visited his elder sister, who delivered a baby girl on 6th November. Bila tgk wajah baby yg cute..rasa bertambah stress memikirkan bilalah agaknya baby nak keluar. Everybody kept on telling me sabar dan relax...but deep down in my heart...rasa stress dan risau bukan sebab baby tak keluar lagi..tapi sebab perasaan tak sedap hati yg melanda sejak dari awal pregnancy. Perasaan takut tak panjang umur, or tak dpt melahirkan dgn selamat.

Petang..Papa ajak gi jusco, window shopping. Hehe...he's not the type yg rajin "membuang masa" window shopping. Papa lebih rela mengadap laptop tulis artikel baru or membaca buku2 di bookshelf kat living room tu. Tapi, he did it purposely to make me happy and to give me an opportunity to exercise, so that I could deliver the baby soon.

Singgah kat Harvey Norman...sempat pulak beli washing machine baru. Dah terlanjur ada good bargain. After Maghrib..dah rasa letih dan sakit pinggang. Tapi tak nak mengharap...

9 Nov 08 - Since balik dari my in-laws house, sakit pinggang tak reda. Tapi hati ini still mengatakan...janganlah nak berharap..two days ago time round satu Alamanda pun sakit pinggang sampai ke malam..tapi bila tido jer dah hilang. So most probably tonite will be the same.

Pukul 3 pagi...terbangun dari tidur. Pinggang rasa mcm lenguh dan sakit sikit2. Tapi rupanya dah ada "show". Tapi masih ragu2 lagi...betul ke nie? Is it the time? Berdebar2 pulak rasanya. Takut pun ada...tapi teruskan berzikir dan berdoa...moga selamat dan dipermudahkan.

Sempat informed Papa. Tapi suh Papa tidor semula...cos rasanya lama lagi nie.

At 8 am...Chichi ada ihtifal (graduation day) kat sekolah. Dia dapat medal for highest achievement in Islamic Studies (mcm tak percaya jer...) Mama Mia tak pergi..Papa pun just duduk sejam kat dewan tu then balik rumah. (biasalah..manalah Papa suka..for him, another "buang masa" ) No contraction....no bleeding, but the backache has started to become more intense. Mama Mia malas nak gi hospital, cos masih awal lagi. Kemas rumah..kemas bag untuk ke hospital...dan apa2 yg patut before ke hospital nanti.

After picking Chichi up from school around 1 pm, we went to have our lunch at a restaurant and then..straight away went to the hospital. We reached the emergency room for delivery at 2.15pm. The contraction was every 15 minutes. But still, the pain was bearable. Since I was only 2cm dilated, I was admitted to the ward at 3 pm.

At 5 pm, I started to feel very bored. Papa suggested that we take a walk at the hospital's park . So, wearing the ward's "pink" outfit, Papa, Mama Mia, Afafita and Wafitos went out for some fresh air. Doktor pun pesan..kalau nak cepat bersalin... banyakkan berjalan. The contraction was 10 minutes away.

At 8 pm, Papa and the kids went home. Kesian the kids...dari petang temankan Mama Mia di hospital...lagipun they need to eat and clean up themselves. Papa pun dah letih gak nampaknya. So, after they left, Mama was alone! Sedihnya...rasa mcm nak nangis...sebab perasaan takut tak selamat dan takut tak dpt jumpa all the lovely faces of those I love datang semula mengganggu. Kesakitan contraction tak seberapa..tapi kesedihan dan kerisauan yg ditanggung sejak awal mengandung bertandang semula di hati. Ya Allah..selamatkan daku..panjangkanlah usiaku..anak2ku masih memerlukanku.

At 9 pm..the doctor did a checkup. The contration was 5 minutes away, but still the cervix was 3 cm dilated. What a slow progress. Doctor pun dah mula berkerut muka...pelik dan pening. It was gravida 3, maksudnya kandungan ketiga..supposed to be easier and faster. Mama Mia bertambahlah runsing. Mulut tak henti berkumat kamit berdoa dan berzikir...teringat tips dari finie , suh banyakkan baca yasin bila start contraction. In fact..since last week lagi, every day Mama Mia dah start baca Yasin pagi dan malam. Ya Allah...apalah dugaanMu ini. Berilah daku kekuatan dan Inayah.

Mama Mia habiskan masa sejak ptg tadi dgn berjalan dan buat 'ward round' mcm doctor pulak. berjalan tak henti..cuma rest dlm 2,3 minit jer then teruskan berjalan. All the nurses siap ckp, "Puan nie kuat betul, tahan sakit, masih boleh jln2".

10 nov 08, - At 1 am, the doctor came again. This time around the contraction was quite intense, but I was still 3 cm dilatet! Ya Allah! Dah sepuluh jam kat hospital...contrction dah jadi tiap 4 minit pun masih 3 cm jer. Doctor pun pecahkan air ketuban.....then kenalah masuk ke labor room. Sakitnya. Tapi masih blh tanggung...

At 2 am, I called Papa to inform him my progress. Asked him to come over. Alhamdulillah, my parents in law spent the nite at my house to look after the kids. So, no more worries. I was sent to the labor room. The contraction has became so strong that I became speechless. The moment I saw hubby waiting for me at the labor room, I felt so sad. Terfikir...dpt ke lagi tgk dia lepas nie? rasa mcm nak luahkan mcm2 kat hubby, nak minta keredhaan dia...takut tak sempat lagi after this. terbayang semua salah silap yg pernah buat kat hubby dan segala kebaikan dia. hehe.

Sakitnya tak terkata. Midwife bagi gas for pain relief...disedut every time rasa contraction. Tapi, tak berkesan jugak.

At 3 am, the contraction had reached level 5. The doctor explained to me that my contraction was very strong and had reached the peak, but there is still no progress in my cervix dilation. Muka MO tu dah berkerut2. Mcm petanda negatif jer. Midwives dan doktor asyik sok-sek-sok-sek jer...discussing bout my case. Kesakitan pun dah sampai tahap gaban...tiap kali contraction, sakitnya dari hujung kaki sampai ke tengkuk. Tak pernah rasa sakit bersalin sebegini teruk. Time Afafita dan Wafitos dulu, alhamdulillah, sakitnya bearable dan kejap jer. Bersalin pun agak mudah....sekali push jer.

At 3.30 am, bukaan pintu rahim masih 3-4 cm saja. Air dah dua botol tapi masih "jalan" tak bukak lagi. To make matter worse, baby's heartbeat dropped during the contraction, and of course, it's not good. Kalau dibiarkan, kemungkinan baby boleh lemas. So, the doctor start contact the pakar bedah , to prepare for an emergency c-section kalau perlu.

Sakitnya tak terkata. Time tu dah tak ingat apa...even hubby yg setia di sebelah berdoa dan bagi moral support pun dah tak heran. Yang tergambar di kepala....apa akan jadi...yg terfikir di otak, selamatkah Mama Mia? Hanya berharap rahmah Allah dan bertawasul, berharap Allah masih memberi peluang untuk Mama Mia merasai nikmat hidup dan peluang untuk menjaga dan mendidik anak2. Masih banyak dosa2 yg blm sempat bertaubat...masih byk amanah yg blm tertunai. Takutnya....

Doktor pun kosongkan pundi kencing menggunakan satu alat...sakit jgn ckplah. Dulu, tak pernah kena procedure2 mcm nie.

At 4 am, the doctor "seluk" lagi time final vaginal examination. Tetiba...muka doctor berkerut. Terus doktor kelam kabut ckp ngan midwives (ada 3 org): "Dah 8 cm!! Cepat, prepare for delivery." Mama Mia pun mcm tak percaya. Doctor pun geleng kepala...dlm masa setengah jam jer..terus pintu rahim terbuka. Dlm masa 27 minit lepas tu, dgn 3 kali push (sebab kepala Fichita besar dan rangka pun besar), alhamdulillah selamat melahirkan Fichita.

Memang kuasa Allah dan pertolongan Allah. Sebenarnya tak sangka dpt melahirkan Fichita secara normal. Mama Mia sebenarnya dah pasrah dan putus asa. Dah tak kisah apa saja yg doktor nak buat, asal cepat selesai jer.

Selepas Fichita keluar...rasa insaf dan syahdu sgt. Syukur...Allah masih beri peluang meneruskan hidup. Inilah kelahiran yg paling dramatik dan penuh gdn suspense. Dan paling sakit! Mudah2an menjadi kaffarah untuk menebus dosa2 selama ini.